If I Had Legs I'd Kick You
Director: Mary Bronstein
Year Released: 2025
Rating: 0.0
And If I Had Less Patience I'd Turn This Off. Therapist Linda (Rose Byrne), whose husband Charles (Christian Slater) is out of town for a several weeks, is having a difficult time with her daily responsibilities, which include taking care of her sick (and irritating) daughter (Delaney Quinn), living in a motel because there's a huge hole in her apartment and dealing with her own patients, with one in particular, Caroline (Danielle Macdonald), who leaves Linda with her baby. Byrne's received critical praise for her role as a distressed mother, but that's mainly due to the fact that she's always filmed in extreme close-up and appears frazzled (Bronstein would have implanted cameras in her tear ducts if it were possible), except the core problem is she's kind of a loathsome individual who consistently makes terrible decisions: she regularly disrupts her colleague (Conan O'Brien, in a rare serious role), drinks too much and then buys cocaine (via the "dark web") with motel super James (A$AP Rocky). The intent is to have the audience empathize with Linda's difficulties, but the movie could be "read" as "women without men around them are incapable of keeping their lives together or getting anything accomplished," which is a slap at all single moms on the planet doing their best.